she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
