I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
