You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
