living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Houston, we have a blender
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
