It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
