Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
