I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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