genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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