My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Apparently you make a good broom.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
