you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
