im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
