operation harelip BJ is a go
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
