i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
