we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
