im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
