OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
