My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
