trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
