I'm so fucking centered right now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
