Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
