the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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