onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it's like iHOP with fire
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
