She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I skipped work to stalk him.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
