so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
