i don't like sucking hair
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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