I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
