i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
