Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
