Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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