i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
