grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
