He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
