His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
