No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
