I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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