It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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