i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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