he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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