And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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