we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
