I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
