He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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