why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
