Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
