you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
