So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
