He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
