You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
