ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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