I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
