The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
