sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
