Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
