She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
