The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
