Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
