you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
