I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
