our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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