you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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